Monday, March 28, 2011

Nightmare in Wax (1969)


 I had to get drunk as fuck to watch this "nightmare"...... So It goes like this.
The stars of Paragon Pictures are disappearing left and right and Vinnie's  wax museum keeps getting better and better. Vinnie was a  makeup artist of Paragon Pictures who had a falling out with Max Black the owner over Vinnie want to marry Ms. Morgan the studios lead female actress. Vinnie now creates wax sculptures of famous stars and it just so happens that every time a star goes missing Vinnie does a sculpture of them.

So basically Max throws a drink in Vinnie's face while he's lighting a cig and sets him on fire which leaves him scared on the face and let me tell you the makeup on the film is great.... the scar looks like gray bubble gum on his face, oh and he's got an eye patch. Ms. Morgan's new boyfriend Tony Dean disappears after their engagement party and the cops are on the hunt. You kind of know right away that Vinnie is doing the kidnapping they don't try and hide it all in the story line, he's really creepy and weird you just know he's killing these people and making wax versions of them. Vinnie is working on the wax Tony and Tony starts talking and you realize he's not killing these people he's paralyzing them and putting them on display.  It seem that these zombies need shots every once and a while the keep them paralyzed, which soon becomes a problem.
Vinnie tricks a girlfriend of Max's to bring him to the museum late one night and ends up paralyzing them both actually he paralyzes Max and kills the random girlfriend. Vinnie goes to ditch the body and the cops are after him. He ditches the car and heads back to the wax museum to meet Ms. Morgan. So by now the cops know whats going on, one of the detectives hides out in the wax museum to wait until close a see whats going on. Mean while all the sculptures are starting to become unparalyzed and all hell is breaking loose, Vinnie tries to kill Max and ends up jumping in to a vat of boiling wax or something like that and killing himself.
All in all not the worst movie I've ever seen, the acting is good and the filming but there really is no blood or gore which sucks and there no boobs either but what can you expect from a 1969 film.

Nightmare in Wax **
Gore: 1 star
Boobs: 0

Brain Twister (1991)

Brain Twister not really gory but it was on a gore box set of mine so I figured I'd check it out. It starts off with some chick jogging down the road all peaceful and shit, then a car pulls up and runs her over (Great way to start a movie just a bummer for there was no blood) it then then leads into some weird  psychedelic color thing with someone tied to a chair watching all these visual screens, its cheesy.
So what I get is this college professor Dr. Rasman  is doing experiments on mind control cause all these kids are bat shit crazy that he experiments with. This student Lori wants to do an internship with the great doctor and the plot thickens. One of his students ends up killing his girlfriend in some mind, rage, freakout and the cops get nosy. So you can see where its going.
The cop ends up falling in love with Lori and she starts to believe the doctor is in on the murders and so on. I'll be honest I was so bored with this movie its not gory at all, no boobs, and its just boring for a gore movie and also it ends with the mind control simulator being a prototype for video game, which is just wrong. It's something you might like to watch if you were high on LSD or something but I wouldn't recommend it a friend.

 Brain Twister (1991) *
GORE- 0 stars
Boobs- 0

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Hell's Highway


This poorly shot horror B film starts out with a girl Lucinda hitch hiking (really original) and some guy that can barely speech English is driving by picks her up. He offers a drink of water which is poison and she jumps out of the car he chases her and kills her. Great start lots of blood. So it turns out he's a priest or some shit and she comes back to life and smashes his fucking brains in! It turns out this is just an intro and it moves to some kids on a road trip.
So these kids are on a road trip/race with there friends to see who can get to a California beach first,doing a film documentary , there are graves makers up and down this fucking highway and they are partying hard and using every movie cliche' possible in the first five minutes. They pick up a hot hitch hiker, I'm guessing this is a bad idea. This bitch is creepy she got like this one tooth that freaks me out, she's killing everybody on this highway and she going kill this crew too. So the creepy chick is talking about shoving her gun up this other chicks pussy, its really dirty. They end up pushing her out of the car, they are safe for now.

Ok this is great Ron Jeremy makes an appearance yes thee Ron Jeremy, he's the next one to pick up Lucinda. He tries to fuck her and she cuts his dick off, hilarious! This movie is shot like a porno and it has a porn star in it, actually thinking about it the chick Lucinda looks like a porn star too. Any ways this chick from the first is having visions of her killing, like wow creepy, it's stupid. So these geniuses decide to camp out instead of getting a hotel for night. There is a crazy psycho bitch on killing spree and they're just going to camp. Well time to get "busy" the one couple are fucking and the chick keeps saying she wants to get busy , oh yeah lets get busy and its time for some titties, love it. So now anytime I want to have sex with a girl I'm just going to use the "lets get busy" line from this movie.
So the next day they are driving and sure shit Lucinda is on the road waiting, she throws a knife at the car which had so stupid effect and they ran her over with car that was sweet. Her head gets ripped off and her intestines are all over the high way. Her intestines are hooked on the car they drag her ripped up body down the highway, and then more blood, this chick in the car gets blasted in the face, it was okay. So either way the creepy chick keeps coming back, now she has got a chainsaw and kills them one by one. It gets down to the last girl and some dude in gas mask comes out of no where and saves her. Fucking weird.

Hell's Highway **
GORE :  6 stars
Boobs: 10 1/2

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Trip With the Teacher (1975)

This gore classic is filled with bad ass bikers, over acting, and hot school girls.(or at least the 70's version of hot school girls) This short bus with four chicks is on a field trip or some shit, their parents excuse to get rid of their kids for the weekend. So this bus is cruising a long through the desert for some fucking odd reason, great place for a field trip. Right? They stop to get gas at this hick town gas station when these three bad ass bikers Al, Pete, and Jay come strolling up. Al starts shit with everybody the girls, the teachers, the gas station attendant I mean everybody.I'm thinking pretty bad ass so far. The bus leaves only to break down miles up the road. The bikers come cruising up and stop to help/fuck with them. They end up tying rope to the bus and pulling it in to the middle of nowhere with there bikes. Then Al who is slowly getting crazier and crazier some how breaks the bus drivers neck, everyone starts freaking out and right away I was like " No blood? What the fuck! "

Jay of the three bikers is not into this shit at all but the other biker Pete, Al's brother is kind of into it and they end up kid napping the bus full of girls and the teacher. They all end up in some abandoned shack in the desert and the two brothers just decide to start raping these bitches, it's fucked up. So yeah there is a lot of rape and no blood, this dude Al is just going fucking bunkers, he makes weird faces, he can really walk or run I guess that's his "style" the acting is hilarious. Jay tries to make make an escape on his bike and Pete chases after him and send Jay over a cliff and again No Fucking Blood! One of the girls Tina tries to escape and Al ends up chasing her down and suffocates her in sand and just takes a little nap... I think. Then he hums a little tune for a bit and take another nap. Al comes back to the shack his brother Pete is drunk as fuck and Al want to do some more raping. After all that rape Al gets a little tired and falls a sleep. They wake up cause one of the chicks has to go to the bathroom Al has Pete follow her outside only to find out that our home boy Jay didn't die in the bike crash off the cliff and is waiting on the roof with rope ready to strangle Pete when he comes out. Al comes out when they are dragging Pete's dead body into some bushes and oh shit Al is not happy. It comes down to a knife fight to the death Jay and Al go around and around and then the teacher runs in out of nowhere and stabs Al in the back, holy shit I think there was a little bit of blood.


Trip With the Teacher(1975) *
Gore: 0 stars
Boobs: 2 1/2

Satan's Slave (1976)

This satanic thriller about this chick Katherine is on a trip to her uncles with her parents, they pull in the drive way crash the car and it explodes and only she survives. Its all fucked right from the get go her uncle Alexander is creepy, her cousin Steven is creepy, and there is some creepy chick/housekeeper Francis . Her uncle drugs her right away and she doesn't know what the fuck is going, her cousin is trying fuck her, it's weird. Two minutes into this pile of crap Steven is trying fuck this random chick and it soon turns into rape pretty much, rips her clothes to shreds, she won't fuck him so he kills her and that is a bad "kill scene" he stabs her in the stomach and you can tell the blade doesn't even go in....so bad.
So either way Alexander and Steven are trying to resurrect Katherines' great great aunt Camilla who is some powerful witch or something and to do this they have to sacrifice Katherine because she a direct descendant . The only real gore is when Katherine's boyfriend that you meet real quick in the beginning jumps of a building and his head gets all smashed up because her uncle Alexander does some satanic voo-doo shit. It's fucked up. So they have to do the sacrifice on Katherine's 20th birthday, Francis tries to help her escape her uncles mansion but they get caught. They take Katherine out in the woods and they start the sacrifice,Katherine gets loose and make her escape  but "oh shit" surprise ending Katherine's father is still alive, she almost makes it out but her father convinces her it was all a dream but he's in on it too.
Bad acting, bad kill scenes, and bad filming. All around just a shitty movies.

Satan's Slave (1976) **
gore : 2 stars
boobs: 6 1/2