Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Where the fuck do I even start with this? This fucking movie is such a mess, a beautiful mess but a mess none the less. Hard Rock Zombies, directed by Krishna Shah and stars nobody really. Well Lisa Toothman was in a couple other things most notably Witchcraft 3 and if you watch this movie you'll realize that Lisa likes to dance, she likes to dance a lot and at the most random of times. Well lets pack a bong and get taken away to a magic world of zombies, werewolves, Nazis, inbreeding, dwarves, and so much more.

Okay we got Jessie, he fronts the band Silent Rage. The hard rock band Silent Rage is on tour and the next stop is good ole Grand Guignol. The locals their aren't too pleased to have the band performing, in fear of hard rock sorcery or some hill billy town bullshit. Jessie meets Cassie(and her eyebrows), she warns him that his band shouldn't come to town in fear something bad might happen to them and in just seconds he falls in love with Cassie. Seriously they meet and bam they're in love and it's a little creepy with Jessie being like 30 and Cassie being 14. So they say fuck that and make their way to good ole Grand Guignol. On there way they pick up Elsa hitch hiking and she ends up talking them into staying with her. Now shit just gets weird here. Elsa's family is very inbreed to say the lease and not only inbred, but Nazi inbred. I mean fuck Hitler makes an appearance and his wife is a damn werewolf. Some where in this mix of shit Jessie learns this song to raise the dead and some how has the means to record a full studio version. Jessie gives the tape to Cassie and tells her to play it if anything happens to him. Well sure shit something happens to him and his band. The inbred Nazi's kill the band, go figure. Cassie gets to rockin' the hot mix tape and the band rises from the dead to seek revenge on Elsa and her family.

This is a bad bad movie and it's great for people who love bad bad movies. The dialogue is shit, the acting is shit, it's got the cheesiest love song to Cassie, the locals are hilarious, lots of bad 80's dancing, it's just bad. I saw this movie a long time ago and it holds a special spot in my heart much like Sleepaway Camp, I saw it high on acid and I never saw it the same. Hard Rock Zombies will always be a movie I can get high and laugh my ass off at how bad it is. I highly recommend you check it.


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Hellions (2015)

Hellions. Do you like Halloween night survival mixed with some demon love child? This might be the movie for you. Directed by Bruce McDonald, of such soon to be classics as Weirdos, and Pontypool. Starring Chloe Rose as Dora and that's about it. Oh Terminator 2 and (the worst seasons of) X- Files star Robert Patrick decided to show up for a bit. That's about it too, a bit.

Right out the gate I noticed something was off with the lighting. I don't know what it was, but it was weird. It's like they shot stuff at 10 o'clock at night during things that take place at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and vice versa. Not sure what they were going for, but it threw me off. Okay, well Dora finds out she pregnant early on in the film and doesn't know what to do. It's Halloween night and should she stay in or go out? None of that really matters cause she slowly figures out she's going to  have a demon child. Lets party!! There's other things too; she eats a lot of pickles, there's a lot of her sitting around, more pickles and more sitting around, there's plenty of creepy kids in masks being creepy. I mean hell at one point I think a tornado breaks out in the house.

Well I really thought this movie was going to be worse, but it wasn't. It was surprisingly good. I wish there was more gore, I always want more gore though. I must say I thought the sound was really good too. A+ on the mood dude. Thanks.

Secreto Matusita (2014)

Time to review The Secret of Evil, I mean Grave Encounters, I Mean Secreto Matusita, I mean 100 Ghost Street, I mean I could go on. Okay , but for real now it’s like all those other movies except dustier. I mean it’s really dusty. Secreto Mutusita or as Netflix likes to call it The Secret of Evil, which I don’t know why they changed it Secreto Mutasita is way more descriptive after you watch it. They must have been like “oh my god nobody will watch it if it doesn’t have an American name”. So anyways.
Secret Mutusita is a found footage film directed by Dorian Fenadez-Moris and starring Bruno Espejo, Lupita Mora, and Eduardo Ramos. Now my problem isn’t the acting, it’s not the directing, it’s the story and the whole sub-genre. It’s like every other found footage film lately. The set ups are all the same I just saw where it was going instantly, it was like I’d seen this movie before. You got interview exposition, haunting tale, trying to get a tv show or a college class, you’re gonna need a clairvoyant, you have stay the night, you’re going to be locked in or get locked in. You know? The basics. With this comes the part of the movie that I just love… that’s just 30 minutes of setting up cameras, and you wait, and wait, and wait some frickin more. For a little pay off. 
And I know I’m just nitpicking. I know found footage films are cheap ways to make a scary movie, and if you're a first time director it's a good way to get your foot in the door in hopes it may lead to bigger and better things. I must say for found footage they do it very well, and also they didn’t over due the jump scares. They built up some creepy moments. It was fun. I don’t see a lot of horror coming out of Peru, this was my first that I know of and it was fucking pretty good. Check it out.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

The Mirror

The Mirror, horror documentary about these friends who get this haunted mirror or some shit and hang it up in hopes of some supernatural and guess what? They get some supernatural shit. They start filming and soon find out there buddy keeps sleep walking and doing weird shit. As you can guess it gets worse. I liked the idea of this haunted mirror story, it's not the best but it's pretty good if you like this documentary style. Check it out

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Phantoms (1998) 31 days of horror

Phantoms is the bomb yo. Affleck and Liev kill it. Liev plays are complete asshole and he plays it well. I forgot how much I love this movie, it's been too long. You into shape shifting creatures that are here to destroy the world? But want you to document it. You'll love it. Check it out. Rose McGowan is in it and LEGEND Peter O'Toole is in it. Lots of good kills in this one.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

31 days of horror. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Quick Review- Night of the Living Dead

Directed by George A Romero this horror classic always brings me back. It was great way to start my October off. It's not really super gory or anything but for the time this was great. I guess I never really noticed or I'm just really high, but Barbra really sucks. Is she any help at all in this situation? She just sits there the whole like pull it together. I know your brother died, but really... I also think they should have kill Harry right away. Fuck that guy.

Monday, May 4, 2015

The Babadook (2014)

The Babadook a film written and directed by Jennifer Kent and Stars Essis Davis and Noah Wiseman. I must have been super high when I watched it because all my friends told me to check it out and that I would love it. I didn't get it I guess. Right from the get go I wanted to stab that fucking kid in the mouth, he was so fucking annoying. This single mom is dealing with kid who believes in this boogie man "The Babadook" a story she reads to him at night before he goes to bed and She just keeps reading him the story every night, and some how that's a good idea. Her husbands death is in there too, so she is dealing with that too and I guess somewhere I got lost. She gets spooked about the Babadook, she goes crazy and so on. It seemed creepy and weird, but I just didn't get some of it.  I'll probably watch it again and maybe I'll have a better view on it.

CG Williams