Ghost Game (2004)

Ghost Game- Directed by Joe Knee and starring a bunch of people you don't know, well you might know cousin Ted. This movie is a basic cabin slaughter film. A group of college kids go off to woods for the weekend. What do you think is going to happen? They're all going to fucking die! So these kids are going to a cabin for the weekend to get away. It just so happens that years ago a group of witches had a sacrifice there and they all died. Now they haunt this cabin and make you play a game.

The acting isn't the worst I've ever seen, There are some funny parts(the ecstacy sex/death scene is pretty rad) and plot isn't too bad. But it still falls in the realm of " Shitty Movie". Check it out if you get a chance or if you're just plain bored and don't want to shoot yourself in head.

Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Smoke a fatty and get into this film directed by Amy Jones(Mystic pizza,The Relic, the Beethoven movies, and Indecent Proposal) and starring Michele Michaels and Robin Stille. Slumber Party Massacre is your basic " girls left at home/escaped killer" movie. There's lots of boobs, bad acting, and lots of blood (things that make a great gore film) right from the get go in this early 80's horror classic.

Trish is having a party and everyone is dying. Trish's parents are gone, there's a weird neighbor keeping an eye on things while they're gone and she has invited some friends over for a little party with some weed and beers. It just wouldn't be a slumber party without some guys trying to sneak in. The girls' boyfriends are playing pranks, trying to scare them. ( your regular slasher plot) Soon enough they start dying one by one. The escaped mental patient is on the loose.

The killer in this film used a big fucking power drill, it's great. It makes all the kill scenes really gory and I love it. So if you're into lots of blood and guts, check out this horror classic and you won't be disappointed.

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

Bloody Pit of Horror starring Mickey Hargitay from "The Love of Hercules" and "Promises!Promises!" with Jane Mansfield. This movie starts out in the mid evil times with an executioner getting executed for his crimes of torture. They put him in some sort of iron maiden with a glass window, he has been sentenced to death by his own torture device. He curses them all and swears revenge and they shut the door and seal it. There is not a lot of blood but its a good start.

We then fast forward to the 60's. A group of photographers from a book sleeve company or some shit, drive to an old castle for a photo shoot. They think the castle is abandoned but there is some weirdo that lives their with some big muscled guy wearing a tight sailor shirt (kind of homo erotic but subtle). He kicks all of them out of the castle but then he agrees to let the crew stay the night after there long drive, they are told not to go into the dungeons and of course they do like a bunch of dumbasses. The group sets up to do there photo shoot and they find a brunch of mid evil gear and they start fucking around and they break the seal on the executioners tomb. The executioner is back and bodies start piling up.

This movie is pretty good. Its has a very playful S&M feel to it and I was surprise to see this in a 1965 film. Maybe I'm just really high but there is some funny acting in it, but then again I find subtle funny things in everything. The kill scenes and traps/torture devices are all pretty cheesy, and there is some blood which is good. If you get a chance check it out, I found the film on some horror comp call "15 films: Horror"

 GORE- 3 stars
Boobs- 0 (but there is some camel toe)

Zombie Dearest (2009)

This movie can not be taking seriously. Zombie Dearest by David Kemker had to be written as a comedy, it comes off like one but wrapped around a zombie flick. David play a guy named Gus who fucked up his relationship with his girlfriend Deborah ,she leaves him and moves to farm house. And guess what? Gus follows her. Right away Deborah has a weird flash back to a woman and man burying a body shortly after Gus show up and swears he will do anything to win her back. They make some agreement where he fixes up the house and she takes him back.

Here is where I think its becomes a comedy, the dialog is hilarious and the story gets fucked up. After a fight with an insensitive plummer who makes fun of retards Gus is left to fix the septic tank out back. Gus ends up digging up a zombie and instead of running for the fucking hills, he puts the zombie to work. I mean what the fuck, where is this story going?

If you like funny, fucked up horror flicks with bad dialog and weird plot twist( I guess you can call them that ) check out ZOMBIE DEAREST. You'll get a laugh at least I did.


Zombie Dearest (2009) ***

GORE- 1 star
Boobs - 0

knock, knock (2007)

Ok this movie is not a bad movie, it's pretty gory and I like that. This group of high school kids (the popular ones) start dying off one by one and the town is pissed, well all the people in town and they want a quick fix. Nikki one of the main characters has a grand father who use to be a cop and he is on the case, he starts to realize that all the victims fathers played football. The whole time there is this weird handicap guy that is playing with dolls and shit, so you think he's the killer. He ends up telling the cops a story of when he was kid and these football players bullied his friend and him and they ultimately end killing and now some sick fuck is out for revenge.
The gore in this movie is great! Lots and lots of blood and guts, it even has kind of Texas Chainsaw Massacre feel to it. I love it. Everybody that get killed in this bad mambo jambo gets slaughtered, I mean there is a fucking blow torch killing. It's sick. So highly recommend this movie check and find out what happens



Knock, Knock (2007) ***
GORE - 4 stars
Boobs - 2

Hell's Highway

This poorly shot horror B film starts out with a girl Lucinda hitch hiking (really original) and some guy that can barely speech English is driving by picks her up. He offers a drink of water which is poison and she jumps out of the car he chases her and kills her. Great start lots of blood. So it turns out he's a priest or some shit and she comes back to life and smashes his fucking brains in! It turns out this is just an intro and it moves to some kids on a road trip.
So these kids are on a road trip/race with there friends to see who can get to a California beach first,doing a film documentary , there are graves makers up and down this fucking highway and they are partying hard and using every movie cliche' possible in the first five minutes. They pick up a hot hitch hiker, I'm guessing this is a bad idea. This bitch is creepy she got like this one tooth that freaks me out, she's killing everybody on this highway and she going kill this crew too. So the creepy chick is talking about shoving her gun up this other chicks pussy, its really dirty. They end up pushing her out of the car, they are safe for now.

Ok this is great Ron Jeremy makes an appearance yes thee Ron Jeremy, he's the next one to pick up Lucinda. He tries to fuck her and she cuts his dick off, hilarious! This movie is shot like a porno and it has a porn star in it, actually thinking about it the chick Lucinda looks like a porn star too. Any ways this chick from the first is having visions of her killing, like wow creepy, it's stupid. So these geniuses decide to camp out instead of getting a hotel for night. There is a crazy psycho bitch on killing spree and they're just going to camp. Well time to get "busy" the one couple are fucking and the chick keeps saying she wants to get busy , oh yeah lets get busy and its time for some titties, love it. So now anytime I want to have sex with a girl I'm just going to use the "lets get busy" line from this movie.

So the next day they are driving and sure shit Lucinda is on the road waiting, she throws a knife at the car which had so stupid effect and they ran her over with car that was sweet. Her head gets ripped off and her intestines are all over the high way. Her intestines are hooked on the car they drag her ripped up body down the highway, and then more blood, this chick in the car gets blasted in the face, it was okay. So either way the creepy chick keeps coming back, now she has got a chainsaw and kills them one by one. It gets down to the last girl and some dude in gas mask comes out of no where and saves her. Fucking weird.

Hell's Highway **
GORE :  6 stars
Boobs: 10 1/2

Trip With the Teacher (1975)

This gore classic is filled with bad ass bikers, over acting, and hot school girls.(or at least the 70's version of hot school girls) This short bus with four chicks is on a field trip or some shit, their parents excuse to get rid of their kids for the weekend. So this bus is cruising a long through the desert for some fucking odd reason, great place for a field trip. Right? They stop to get gas at this hick town gas station when these three bad ass bikers Al, Pete, and Jay come strolling up. Al starts shit with everybody the girls, the teachers, the gas station attendant I mean everybody.I'm thinking pretty bad ass so far. The bus leaves only to break down miles up the road. The bikers come cruising up and stop to help/fuck with them. They end up tying rope to the bus and pulling it in to the middle of nowhere with there bikes. Then Al who is slowly getting crazier and crazier some how breaks the bus drivers neck, everyone starts freaking out and right away I was like " No blood? What the fuck! "

Jay of the three bikers is not into this shit at all but the other biker Pete, Al's brother is kind of into it and they end up kid napping the bus full of girls and the teacher. They all end up in some abandoned shack in the desert and the two brothers just decide to start raping these bitches, it's fucked up. So yeah there is a lot of rape and no blood, this dude Al is just going fucking bunkers, he makes weird faces, he can really walk or run I guess that's his "style" the acting is hilarious. Jay tries to make make an escape on his bike and Pete chases after him and send Jay over a cliff and again No Fucking Blood! One of the girls Tina tries to escape and Al ends up chasing her down and suffocates her in sand and just takes a little nap... I think. Then he hums a little tune for a bit and take another nap. Al comes back to the shack his brother Pete is drunk as fuck and Al want to do some more raping. After all that rape Al gets a little tired and falls a sleep. They wake up cause one of the chicks has to go to the bathroom Al has Pete follow her outside only to find out that our home boy Jay didn't die in the bike crash off the cliff and is waiting on the roof with rope ready to strangle Pete when he comes out. Al comes out when they are dragging Pete's dead body into some bushes and oh shit Al is not happy. It comes down to a knife fight to the death Jay and Al go around and around and then the teacher runs in out of nowhere and stabs Al in the back, holy shit I think there was a little bit of blood.


Trip With the Teacher(1975) *
Gore: 0 stars
Boobs: 2 1/2