Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Where the fuck do I even start with this? This fucking movie is such a mess, a beautiful mess but a mess none the less. Hard Rock Zombies, directed by Krishna Shah and stars nobody really. Well Lisa Toothman was in a couple other things most notably Witchcraft 3 and if you watch this movie you'll realize that Lisa likes to dance, she likes to dance a lot and at the most random of times. Well lets pack a bong and get taken away to a magic world of zombies, werewolves, Nazis, inbreeding, dwarves, and so much more.

Okay we got Jessie, he fronts the band Silent Rage. The hard rock band Silent Rage is on tour and the next stop is good ole Grand Guignol. The locals their aren't too pleased to have the band performing, in fear of hard rock sorcery or some hill billy town bullshit. Jessie meets Cassie(and her eyebrows), she warns him that his band shouldn't come to town in fear something bad might happen to them and in just seconds he falls in love with Cassie. Seriously they meet and bam they're in love and it's a little creepy with Jessie being like 30 and Cassie being 14. So they say fuck that and make their way to good ole Grand Guignol. On there way they pick up Elsa hitch hiking and she ends up talking them into staying with her. Now shit just gets weird here. Elsa's family is very inbreed to say the lease and not only inbred, but Nazi inbred. I mean fuck Hitler makes an appearance and his wife is a damn werewolf. Some where in this mix of shit Jessie learns this song to raise the dead and some how has the means to record a full studio version. Jessie gives the tape to Cassie and tells her to play it if anything happens to him. Well sure shit something happens to him and his band. The inbred Nazi's kill the band, go figure. Cassie gets to rockin' the hot mix tape and the band rises from the dead to seek revenge on Elsa and her family.

This is a bad bad movie and it's great for people who love bad bad movies. The dialogue is shit, the acting is shit, it's got the cheesiest love song to Cassie, the locals are hilarious, lots of bad 80's dancing, it's just bad. I saw this movie a long time ago and it holds a special spot in my heart much like Sleepaway Camp, I saw it high on acid and I never saw it the same. Hard Rock Zombies will always be a movie I can get high and laugh my ass off at how bad it is. I highly recommend you check it.

CGW

Zombie Dearest (2009)

This movie can not be taking seriously. Zombie Dearest by David Kemker had to be written as a comedy, it comes off like one but wrapped around a zombie flick. David play a guy named Gus who fucked up his relationship with his girlfriend Deborah ,she leaves him and moves to farm house. And guess what? Gus follows her. Right away Deborah has a weird flash back to a woman and man burying a body shortly after Gus show up and swears he will do anything to win her back. They make some agreement where he fixes up the house and she takes him back.

Here is where I think its becomes a comedy, the dialog is hilarious and the story gets fucked up. After a fight with an insensitive plummer who makes fun of retards Gus is left to fix the septic tank out back. Gus ends up digging up a zombie and instead of running for the fucking hills, he puts the zombie to work. I mean what the fuck, where is this story going?

If you like funny, fucked up horror flicks with bad dialog and weird plot twist( I guess you can call them that ) check out ZOMBIE DEAREST. You'll get a laugh at least I did.


Zombie Dearest (2009) ***

GORE- 1 star
Boobs - 0